You have consulted different firms like Prime Lawyers for family law, marriage counsellors, even friends, but the relationship is just beyond saving.
Regardless of sex, divorce is probably one of the hardest things that we can encounter and can affect lives in numerous ways and the common notion is that, men have it better after a divorce. However, a lot of studies have shown that it is the women who get to cope better than men. Let us explore the effects of divorce on men.
Bottling up emotions
The “big boys don’t cry” mentality has a lot of harmful effects, but in this context or in any situation where emotions run heavy, bottling up your emotions can do you more harm than good. People should be able to find an outlet for the things that they are feeling, regardless of whether it is anger, sadness, or disappointment.
There are men who have experienced a spike in blood pressure and depression when they went through their divorce, and for most of them, they did not have a way to express those feelings or they simply did not want to.
One of the ways you can address this is to talk to a professional. Some men find it awkward to talk to their friends about it, but at least a counsellor can direct you to the right mindset and help you pick yourself up in time. You can also try writing it down like in a journal so that you have an avenue for the feelings to just flow freely without interruption.
You have children
Not only his divorce hard enough for you and your ex-spouse, but what about the kids? You now have to figure out a way to still provide some semblance of a normal life for your kids, even though you might despise their mother, no easy feat. Your kids also might be confused and show anger or resentment as a front for sadness and depression. This resource might be a good place to start when trying to keep your children being positive through the whole ordeal as well, Practical Guide To Motivating Your Teenager – 16 Proven Principles That Work.
Some men measure their self-worth with respect to their marriage, their family. Once you thought you and your loved one will be together through thick and thin and then suddenly ends, it affects a man’s self-esteem. This is not to say that women do not feel the same way, but the pressures of society influence men and women’s lives differently. Men are judged for what they have and not for what they are, and losing a family and a significant other is subjected to public scrutiny.
What you can do is to join a group where you will be able to find yourself. Maybe a non-profit organization so you can concentrate on helping people, the town council, and so on. You are not trying to ignore the problem by being busy, just looking for a way to cope with it in a gentler way.
Change in lifestyle
Most prominent negative effect on men is the change in their lifestyle. According to various psychological studies, wives tend to influence their husband’s healthy behaviour (Reczek and Umberson 2012). Without someone encouraging them to live healthy, they tend to veer towards things that can give them a temporary reprieve like alcohol or cigarettes.
This is when friends can greatly help, they can be that motivation to take care of yourself. You can also find a healthier way to express your feelings like boxing, yoga, or something methodical and meditative that can put your mind at ease at the end of the day.
Men and women experience both positive and negative effects when it comes to divorce. The pain and the anger are the same, but they do cope with it differently. For men, the healthy option would be to veer away from the alpha male mentality and look for help especially when you already know you need it.